Birds in the Well

Look. I have to let this out. Advice would be great here.

Sun, 04 May 2008 14:07:21 GMT

So we were planning on going on a camping trip. Cindy, some of her family, Daniel and I. Whomever else we might invite.

Cindy invites Becky, whom I have always had some pretty deep-seated issues with. We've tried to get along, and it never works. One time I was trying really hard and she set me up for failure with a gossip chain. Most times I think we're both trying to get along, and then she says something stupid or mean. I can't take it. I lose my temper when confronted with that. Occasionally I can shake my head, but most times, if it's directed at me, I just walk away and shut up for a long time. Sometimes I implode.

Anyway. Becky's going. So Dan refuses to go. (This is due to underlying issues that have proven to be a problem in the past. I've disliked her for a reason.)

The smart thing to do is not go. The thing is, I can't understand why Cindy would do this. She told me, realized it was the wrong thing to do, and then said "I thought you guys get along."

I quickly rectified that misconception, only to find that there has been no result. Cindy thinks that the more people she invites, the easier it will be for me. So she's inviting people I don't know.

Thing is, I know that Dan and I will end up not going on this trip. I can see that from a mile away.

I just want to know why, at the mention of Becky or upon hearing her speak, my stomach turns. I have been feeling as if I will throw up for a couple of days now. And I am really trying to be patient with Cindy, but I'm pretty sure she fucked up. I'm trying to have sympathy for her here. I mean, she can't be perfect. Nobody can.

So...any thoughts?

It's Been Awhile

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:06:23 GMT

Well...

I miss it.

I feel different, but not really.

I look different, but not really.

Um...yeah.

But not really.

I had something to say until I got here.

But not really.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 23:57:08 GMT

I would like to say that I'm very happy in my life right now. Things are going surprisingly well.

And yet, I am behind one car payment and am having rage problems.

Mixed blessings? Something like that.

READ THIS

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 20:55:32 GMT

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell

And when you get to the point that is reminiscent of a part of the video of The Wall by Pink Floyd, let me know.

Tell me all about it.

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 20:31:36 GMT

I think it's funny how the "milestones" in life don't feel like milestones sometimes.

I guess you know you're an adult when you pay your own bills and have been through two lawsuits, right?

couple of things

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 19:30:28 GMT

First off, has anyone else here read Hominids? You need to.

Second, me and Daniel were sitting around thinking about the social security problem and we decided that we really need to start some kind of a forum on this problem, because it's our generation's future, and shouldn't we be involved in that?

So I really want some ideas from you on what you think we should do about social security.

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:29:25 GMT

So I ripped off a big toenail, and then had surgery on it.

Um. I became incredibly broke.

I quit doing my hair to look decent. It's trailer park style, unleashed on my everyday life.

Daily I talk myself out of wearing wifebeaters as serious clothing. Daily.

But I applied for college.

I am sure that this will challenge the values of the judgmental around me.

After all, now I'm 'investing in my future' while looking like the 'trash' that not being in college apparently makes me. hmm.

This entry was so dramatic.

help me out here, I can't remember...

Tue, 22 May 2007 20:55:11 GMT

I found a site once that sold bug jewelry. Now, not just any bug jewelry. It was a farm for these beetles that build a hard shell around their bodies with found objects. These people would take your request for certain types of semiprecious stones, and then would make sure to lay these stones out around these bugs so that they would make said nest. Then, when the bug is done using the nest, you get the crumpled bug shaped thing as a pendant!

It was kind of expensive but it looked really cool, and I can't remember the site. Can anybody help me out?

To all the mothers out there

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 18:45:36 GMT

When your son is dating a girl, and you don't really find yourself to be very fond of her, why?

And if I find myself in the position of not be liked by a mother for the very first time, what have I done wrong, and how might I show her that I'm not what she thinks I am?

I don't aim to kiss ass and be insincere with her, but I want her to know that I want a healthy, happy relationship with her son, and I would like her blessing.

Somebody help.

hullo again

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 18:20:55 GMT

Hey All, I am well. Tired and working too much, but well. Poor is fun if you try. Umm. Yes. Self-discovery is also tiresome, but necessary. Must go, in a hurry again. Love you all.

Coming and going

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 21:54:50 GMT

Haven't been around in a bit.. just peeking in...

How the hell are yas?!?!

hey friends...

Tue, 16 May 2006 04:29:30 GMT

guess what? I did something. I made a community. Can you join it? That would make me super happy. It's called http://community.livejournal.com/dream_unweavers/ and it's a community for dream interpretation...for all my kindred spirits out there that have weird things occupy their heads when they aren't looking... :)

(yes I know there aren't any posts yet, I am kind of hoping that someone else will be kind enough to christen this community..)

just on the off chance..

Tue, 16 May 2006 03:00:57 GMT

I'm taking a trip to Austin soon, and I was wondering if anyone in this community knows of any good local stores that sell Craft supplies and tarot decks, and other things of that nature? Preferably something locally owned, but anything truly wonderful will do! :)

Thank you so much. This is cross-posted into my own personal journal; my apologies...very short notice on this trip!

Fri, 12 May 2006 02:55:53 GMT

Why do dogs like to get into litter boxes and eat cat shit? That's gross, by my species' standards.

Getting sidetracked already.

I need to get organized; that's what this is all about. I have too much information that I'm trying to learn all at once. Tarots, mythology, stones, colors, aromatherapy. I know that in order to understand each one in depth, I must take the time to study each one individually. But then, I am impatient with my own ignorance. If I am not in college, then I must continually be learning.

I am also frustrated at my inability to realize when an item is missing from my room until it is too late to get it back. I am tired of missing books. My library is my own, and I will not stand for it staying incomplete for long. Recently I have discovered a couple of missing items, and I would rather cut my losses and re-buy than try to get them back. This infuriates me. If I am truly an adult, would I not go get them back? Or am I being mature in realizing that the value of getting my books back is exceeded by the negative values of dealing with a person whom I harbor unhealthy, unhappy feelings toward?

Who knows. Anyway. Felt like blogging. The mood attacks like Nature calls: usually in the middle of the night.

greener pastures are only in the mind's eye

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 23:37:32 GMT

I want the chase. I want the game. Want butterflies, fluttering eyelashes, that giggle, the blushing that comes uncontrollably. Want the sick thudding of a heart gone mad with excitement when I see the caller id. Want the passion that feels like an army of ants inside your pants right before they come over. Want a maddening adventure, a shroud of bliss that makes reality seem so distant. Where has it gone? I'm twenty.

april in july...summer anywhere else..

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 23:32:19 GMT

Springtime breeze, all flower-scented like a box of dryer sheets. It swept me away, I was floating on the breeze like in some happy love song. Now the summer heat is pounding me down into the ground, like a sledgehammer on my head as I step into the quicksand. It's a heady, intoxicated feeling...not euphoric, just dragging. The conflicts brought on by the hot summer sun and frayed nerves leave me feeling sick like ice cream followed by a rollercoaster.

It's a bad dog, a dirty trick, when it isn't what you dreamed.

the new girl in town

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 02:02:57 GMT

everybody knows her..

...even when, she's not around...

doo doo doot...yeah. thought I'd stop in. must leave.

stolen from sweetgingertea

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 05:43:26 GMT

help me paint an accurate picture of myself.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=dillywig

useless

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 20:20:42 GMT

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 14:34:53 GMT

Can you bind yourself?

Is that a good idea?

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 07:58:41 GMT

My chakras are revealing it all.

My head area is cloudy and angry

and my letting go area is constipated

and the only thing that really seems to be working right is the part that tells me that I feel for someone in a good way

so you tell me, friend. what the duck?

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 01:32:28 GMT

I often wonder if human nature can be overcome like a series of bad habits, or if perhaps it's called human nature because nature can't be dissuaded.

Are emotions nature or habit?

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 06:48:25 GMT

How is it that I see no entries made later than December 6th?

I know that my friends list is lying.

to expound on that idea..

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 20:57:29 GMT

Let me explain empathy in the vernacular that I am using.

See it fits in with Dr. Emoto's research about water...
(He notices that water is the most reactive of all the elements, so he decides to see how it reacts to nonfictional stimuli..and so he takes a photo of the water on a molecular level, and it is pentagon shaped. Then he takes this same water and has it blessed by a monk, and in the picture after that, it is a beautiful snowflake shape. To test on this further, he puts water in bottles labelled with different words and leaves them out overnight. "Love" "Peace" and those type words yield beautiful water molecules...then the one labelled "I hate you, I will kill you" looks like a virus of some sort.

So I draw the conclusion that our very thought processes can affect things around us on the most profound levels. After all, we are made mostly of water..so if we are positive about others, more understanding, would it not be better for them, and us?

If we focus all our energies on positive things...what could we do?

I feel like that kind of achievement starts with higher levels of empathy for others, because that is where we connect.

so I had this crazy idea

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 01:08:38 GMT

This idea I have, isn't so crazy at all. Really all I want is for everyone to feel empathy, not sympathy, for everyone they meet. Wouldn't that be cool? To truly walk in others' shoes all the time? I mean, imagine how much easier diplomacy might be. Imagine how much more genuine you could be.

But would walking in everyone else's shoes cause a person to not really know themself as much? At first I thought it might, but then I got to thinking...and maybe who a person is, has nothing to do with whether they're aware of who they are.

At any rate, I was thinking of this feeling of empathy in terms of the idea that our thoughts physically affect our world..the idea that attitude is reality. So if we were all more open and understanding of/toward each other..would that make the world better? Would have effects similar to those of a mass meditation? Would peace grow?

And furthermore, I'd like to spread this idea, to see if maybe we could all try it....like that movie, Pay It Forward...but I don't want anyone to know who started it. Because I didn't start it. I'd just get credit for saying it in this format first. I'm sure inventions all around the world are invented simultaneously, but the first person to publish/produce get the credit...that's why we have patents and copyrights, right? SO the big question is like this: How do you spread an idea, spark a worldwide intellectual movement, without imparting the student/teacher relationship?

I have this idea that no method of communication known to man today can truly convey this in the way I want, because I know that every method of communication has the space in between people for translation, and a person's understanding of the words that I use, may not be the same as what I'm trying to say. Maybe it would grow in that translation to something better...or it could lose something in translation. Is there a way to prevent that?

I really would love some feedback here. This thing rattles around in my head constantly and I don't know the answers.