I've been thinking about love lately.

I am watching the people around me in their various stages of love, and researching the different theories about the combinations of qualities that will yield the different types of love.

For example, there is Rubin's theory of liking vs. loving, where love is made up of three components: attachment, caring, and intimacy. He even created a set of questionnaires that can differentiate between like and love.

Then I found a Jewish pdf online that talks about the Six Different Types of Love: Love of God, Love of Fellow Humans, Love between a Man and Woman, Love of Your Nation ("all Jews are responsible to one another"), and Narcissism. This outline also came with some study questions pondering the nature of love: what is love and what isn't.

Then there's Hatfield's model of passionate vs. compassionate love, where compassionate love springs from respect, where passionate love is transitory.

Then this guy John Lee, he's got an idea of love that's set up like a color wheel. You know how your three primaries can be combined with each other and then there are secondaries? It's kinda like that.
Three primary styles:
1. Eros – Loving an ideal person
2. Ludos – Love as a game
3. Storge – Love as friendship

Three secondary styles:
1. Mania (Eros + Ludos) – Obsessive love
2. Pragma (Ludos + Storge) – Realistic and practical love
3. Agape (Eros + Storge) – Selfless love
Get it?

But wait, there's more...
Sternberg has this theory called Triangular Theory which says that love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. He says that different combinations of these yield different types of love, but that the strongest type is the one that holds all three. However, this love is difficult to attain and difficult to maintain. If two people can successfully change in a manner that facilitates a different type of love with two of the components, they may be able to move on from that higher love to something else, thus maintaining their relationship. The fade of love is natural.

So, I'm watching people fall head over heels and wondering which components are there. I am wondering if all those people have the smarts to work it out logically and take the right steps so they aren't just infatuated and heartbroken later on.

I'm listening to one of my girlfriends talk about wanting to marry her boyfriend because they have a baby and she loves him, and I want to tell her that you can't make him love you, that's not how it goes. She pines for how they used to feel and I have to remind her about Sternberg.

And my bestie? I've watched her love grow into something truly strong. I remember when it was a fledgling relationship in high school, and when they took the plunge into marriage. I remember worrying for the tenuous strands that were stretched great distances, and then seeing the results of their time away together when they nurtured the little tendrils of love into a great tree of hope and strength.

It reminds me of this movie I saw recently that opened with a couple getting married. The preacher was tying a braided cord around the two of them, saying that there was one cord for him, one cord for her, and one cord for God. Later in the movie, they grow away from their faith and then each other. I'm not one to tell my friends to pray it out when something goes wrong, but I am becoming one to be very thankful for what I have, and keep my eyes open to recognize when I am blessed.

However, my beliefs are an entirely different blog...unless I tell you that I feel God is love, and God is within all of us, because it's not "someone upstairs" watching from above. It's a force, not an entity.

That might bring some controversy. Sorry to rock anyone's boat, but that's why it's my blog.

Disclaimers and beliefs aside, I just wanted to get out some of these things I've been thinking and see if anyone else has thoughts on all this.

So...

I met someone new and good.

His name is Jon.

I think this could be really good.

I hope it doesn't hinder me moving in January, though.

Really, I can't see the bad right now. I'm looking hard, too.

He's so much like me, and so sweet...

Yesterday we went to the museum to look at art, then we went downtown and to the lake and took pictures, then we ate a little bbq and had a beer, then went and saw the sunset and took pictures. He took me home and didn't try to kiss me or make out. What a gentleman!

Can't wait to see him again.

I found a site once that sold bug jewelry. Now, not just any bug jewelry. It was a farm for these beetles that build a hard shell around their bodies with found objects. These people would take your request for certain types of semiprecious stones, and then would make sure to lay these stones out around these bugs so that they would make said nest. Then, when the bug is done using the nest, you get the crumpled bug shaped thing as a pendant!

It was kind of expensive but it looked really cool, and I can't remember the site. Can anybody help me out?

guess what? I did something. I made a community. Can you join it? That would make me super happy. It's called http://community.livejournal.com/dream_unweavers/ and it's a community for dream interpretation...for all my kindred spirits out there that have weird things occupy their heads when they aren't looking... :)

(yes I know there aren't any posts yet, I am kind of hoping that someone else will be kind enough to christen this community..)

I want the chase. I want the game. Want butterflies, fluttering eyelashes, that giggle, the blushing that comes uncontrollably. Want the sick thudding of a heart gone mad with excitement when I see the caller id. Want the passion that feels like an army of ants inside your pants right before they come over. Want a maddening adventure, a shroud of bliss that makes reality seem so distant. Where has it gone? I'm twenty.

Springtime breeze, all flower-scented like a box of dryer sheets. It swept me away, I was floating on the breeze like in some happy love song. Now the summer heat is pounding me down into the ground, like a sledgehammer on my head as I step into the quicksand. It's a heady, intoxicated feeling...not euphoric, just dragging. The conflicts brought on by the hot summer sun and frayed nerves leave me feeling sick like ice cream followed by a rollercoaster.

It's a bad dog, a dirty trick, when it isn't what you dreamed.

help me paint an accurate picture of myself.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=dillywig

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

I often wonder if human nature can be overcome like a series of bad habits, or if perhaps it's called human nature because nature can't be dissuaded.

Are emotions nature or habit?

Let me explain empathy in the vernacular that I am using.

See it fits in with Dr. Emoto's research about water...
(He notices that water is the most reactive of all the elements, so he decides to see how it reacts to nonfictional stimuli..and so he takes a photo of the water on a molecular level, and it is pentagon shaped. Then he takes this same water and has it blessed by a monk, and in the picture after that, it is a beautiful snowflake shape. To test on this further, he puts water in bottles labelled with different words and leaves them out overnight. "Love" "Peace" and those type words yield beautiful water molecules...then the one labelled "I hate you, I will kill you" looks like a virus of some sort.

So I draw the conclusion that our very thought processes can affect things around us on the most profound levels. After all, we are made mostly of water..so if we are positive about others, more understanding, would it not be better for them, and us?

If we focus all our energies on positive things...what could we do?

I feel like that kind of achievement starts with higher levels of empathy for others, because that is where we connect.

"What’s the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

Well, if you carry out this way
Things are better if i stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight"

If I hadn't said so long
we might have kids by now
we might still be in love
we might not have either
we might have gone worlds
or we might have stayed here

for all that might've been

there's an awful lot that hasn't

and won't

and the Atlas in me says that's my fault
pushes me to penitence
every day and, more importantly, every night..

but the Aunt Tracy in me
says that's not my luggage
leave it in the airport
at the crossroads
where it belongs.

This will not be my crutch
but it will not be forgotten

it's a lesson about holding on
and letting go

really, which of us was holding on
or letting go?

it depends on where you step in and look

I almost stepped in, that day with the bruises and ihop and tears and the apology

"I'm sorry" and you knew

I'm such a drama queen sometimes
but when it really comes down to it
I was your queen and something happened
I threw the crown back at you
for things that weren't your fault

I didn't know then about the winter
and the haze

miss you

it's gone.

This idea I have, isn't so crazy at all. Really all I want is for everyone to feel empathy, not sympathy, for everyone they meet. Wouldn't that be cool? To truly walk in others' shoes all the time? I mean, imagine how much easier diplomacy might be. Imagine how much more genuine you could be.

But would walking in everyone else's shoes cause a person to not really know themself as much? At first I thought it might, but then I got to thinking...and maybe who a person is, has nothing to do with whether they're aware of who they are.

At any rate, I was thinking of this feeling of empathy in terms of the idea that our thoughts physically affect our world..the idea that attitude is reality. So if we were all more open and understanding of/toward each other..would that make the world better? Would have effects similar to those of a mass meditation? Would peace grow?

And furthermore, I'd like to spread this idea, to see if maybe we could all try it....like that movie, Pay It Forward...but I don't want anyone to know who started it. Because I didn't start it. I'd just get credit for saying it in this format first. I'm sure inventions all around the world are invented simultaneously, but the first person to publish/produce get the credit...that's why we have patents and copyrights, right? SO the big question is like this: How do you spread an idea, spark a worldwide intellectual movement, without imparting the student/teacher relationship?

I have this idea that no method of communication known to man today can truly convey this in the way I want, because I know that every method of communication has the space in between people for translation, and a person's understanding of the words that I use, may not be the same as what I'm trying to say. Maybe it would grow in that translation to something better...or it could lose something in translation. Is there a way to prevent that?

I really would love some feedback here. This thing rattles around in my head constantly and I don't know the answers.

I am thankful for you all. Happy Thanksgiving!

Since I answered someone else who posted this....

If you read
this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't
speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can
be anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished, post this
little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or moritified) about
what people remember about you

Barbie Got Back! Go you! You're the closest thing
ever to a true black Barbie. Shake that fat
ass of yours.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah so I had this nightmare sometime this week that I looked down and BAM! I had a dick. I didn't know what to do and someone told me to stab it with a fork, so I did...but slowly, like a piercing artist sticks a needle through. Scary.

The male in my life thinks I'm cheating or something. He woke me up to ask me about it for like the 50th time.


He's telling me that I've been irritable lately, and I have. He wants to know why. It's just everyday stuff getting to me, and some of it's him, but alot of it isn't. So apparently I take it out on him, which isn't good. I wish he wouldn't take his nic fits out on me, though. I think a compromise can be reached. Things will be fine, we just need patience. I need patience.

yay, we suck.

Tonight I watched one of my old friends not grow up one minute since I knew her junior year. I really don't know why couples fight the way they do...I mean, even the bad times between me and Hunter haven't really been that bad, if you think about it.

I really wanted to pull that guy aside and tell him that the secret to happiness is not to hang on so tight to the things that hurt you. Seriously, if he's that worried about what she is doing... maybe it's not supposed to work out for them. idk. Tough stuff.

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your own bulletin. (*Optional)

Had a little discussion about my social life last night. I was told that I am too antisocial, that I don't put out any effort to have friends. I responded that I am antisocial because in the past, any "friends" I've had (aside from that precious one person) have only ignored my efforts, i.e. I'd call and call and they'd either not answer or be like "sure we'll hang out" and then never show. I'd wait up for people just to get stood up. I'd listen to their problems, and give them advice, and cry for their problems as though they're my own...and get nothing back.

So I was told that this may be true, but that I shouldn't let it get me down and discourage me from trying (remember that these patterns have happened my whole life).

I guess my question is this:

If you are led to believe through other people's actions that friendship is usually shallow and not worth pursuing, what's so wrong with being antisocial?

or maybe the question is more along the lines of:

What's to keep a person struggling for something that they believe will not happen?



hmm. Mostly it's just me talking to myself and wondering why things are the way they are.

To those who have let me down in said ways and know I'm talking about them: Can you tell me why? (Remember that if it's a fault in me, I still need to be told about it. Ignorance helps no one.)

I need book recommendations. Things you like that you think maybe I ought to read.